Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What did the one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they where stuck up c*nts.

   "May the 4th" be with you!

   Women are evil!! Any animal that bleeds for three or four days and doesn't die has got to be demon spawn!!

   Love does not fade with time, shape, weight, looks and bank balance; It's your own damn fault that you’re Jobless.

   127.0.0.1 I wish I was with you right now and not at work. I would love to crawl in your nice warm bed and snuggle under the covers.

   Someone threw a bottle of Mayo at me...I was like "What the Hellmann"...!!!

   The North Korean President is just meeting with the US President..He suddenly stood up and said . I Don't need this Crap.. .I'm going to the bathroom for a Trump...

   Well, Israel sure lost the last few people in America that still supported that terrorist country

   Word on the street is, Cookie Monster has tested positive for COVID. It's the Om nom nom nomicron variant.

   I love the three little pigs; Bacon, Ham, and Sausage!

   Some of your behaviour is completely embarrassing but highly entertaining. Carry on.

   Please donate to my gofundme to replace the laptop I threw across the room in anger after my last gofundme failed

   I wonder what they make the robots do on their websites to prove that they're not human.

   Happy with my life but also open to the possibility of a crow picking me up like a french fry and carrying me away

   Hey, Baby is your name Pfizer? Because you make my heart stop.

   Thanks to the vaccine, I can now get in a car and argue with relatives in person.

   I gave "Jesus" a compliment once. He thanked me three days later. Jerk.

   New Years Day I will be 100, so New Years Eve I'm going to party like I'm 19 @ 99!

   If I was a judge, I’d keep a pile of walnuts with me on the table at all times. If I’m gonna use the gavel, I might as well eat some delicious walnuts.

   can we be funny again please