Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Prepare for what you can't Predict & Adapt for what you can't Control.

   Family guy, in its satire, does convey a lot serious real world issues. "Archer", used the name IZEZ(spelling intended) much before. It's writers are from the most dramatic nation ever (Juice). Definitely this organization is created by one of them

   you must work for Malaysia air because you make all my worries disappear.

   Maybe if Brady's wife gave him half heared BJ's, he would understand the depth of his cheating.

   Waze "Beep Beep" is the new Facebook "Poke"

   Columbia is going to invade phillipians......um did I spell that right? After watching the Pageant ...Im confused also

   *gets can of compressed air & cleans inside computer*....all my friends are online so I just gave all my friends a blow job

   This Halloween I am going as a Bacon Ninja... not sure how to do it, but it sounds funny.

   Look on the bright side The driver in jet dryer #2 truck should be safe, Juan Pablo isn't in a car any more... WoW what a bunch of red necks uesing Tide to wash the track lmao

   Hey if life hand's you lemons , you better find someone that life handed sugar and water ,or your lemonaide is gonna taste like crap...

   All this news about Zombies you better go get your Zombie vaccinations..

   Just saw Peyton Manning Tebowing, very thankful for his new job.

   well at least the jets have god on their side now.

   Did not know Osama Bin Laden's son plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder!!

   I am perfection in the realm of understanding without comprehension in the abyss of normality.

   Carefull..the owner of this account that you're about to view is too hot...

   guna name his daughter friday so I can take her to work with me on mondays and feel better about my day

   I think some ppl should read the new book "Get A Life™"...by "X"®

   Breaking New's: Trump Admistration set to announce Bernie Madoff as IRS Commissioner....

   He says the mentally I'll shouldn't have access to guns, yet he literally repealed the law that blocked their access to guns his first month in office.