Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You wanna know how my day's going? I have a convertible and a bird, well, you know the rest.......................

   the brain controls body movement....i just picked up my drink with my hands therefore I used my mind to do it....i have magic powers

   I'll wait, gain your trust and strike when you least expect it by taking the leftover beer I brought, home with me.

   Im convinced that the Galaxy Note 2 is for basketball players

   anybody want to LARP with me?

   Gotta admire the people that get in shape for nothing

   Wearing a sweater that's not fully dry; why don't you tell me how your morning's going so I can feel better about my life choices.

   Te'o hasn't been missing tackles, just hugging his girlfriend...

   i hear liquor stores have started selling hand sanitizer in the cold section with the beer.

   udge if you must but I always wanted an Easy Bake Oven as a kid and earlier this morning.

   The higher the monkey goes up the poll, the more you see of the monkey's butt.

   Adolescences does n't work to much after high school

   today is fat tuesday....basically lets women feel okay about themselves and their fupa:D

   usually I take asprin, but for a hangover...its ass-prin

   c'mon the shopping was'nt that bad at the Eaton Center

   I tie up all my victims in forget me knots.

   Someone uploaded a picture of Hitler and said, "LIKE IF YOU WISH HE WAS DEAD!".. uhmm..dont really know what to think...??

   remembering all those flashbacks from before

   The only thing worse than a broken heart is a heart that has never known love.

   If at first you dont succeed skydiving isnt for you