Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I could change one thing I did in 2021, I would change not spending the night, in the streets of Dallas, to wait for the resurrection of JFK Jr.

   What's the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White? Paul Walker got to 100 before he died.

   My son just let a girl “borrow” his hoodie. Should I tell him now or let him learn?

   I sent my family tree into Ancestry.com. They sent me back a packet of seeds and told me to start over. FML.

   When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

   ..was reading the bookThe Dog That Never Dies. She couldn't put it down.

   :If you need to check our astrology signs to see if we are compatible... we are not.

   I just read that people eat more bananas than monkeys. Makes sense to me. I've never eaten a monkey.

   Vaccine shots are a gateway drug to concerts.

   As a project I’ve started making my own coffin. Should I be concerned that my wife keeps asking how soon I can have it ready?

   if roosters can start each day screaming, then damn it, so can I...

   Customer: "Sir, could you take a look at my car; it's making terrible noises." Mechanic: "Have you tried shutting off the Christian music?"

   I've been invited to a neighbour's house later for drinks with nibbles!...they treat that bloody cat like Royalty?

   thinks it's Hotter Outside then a Las Vegas Sidewalk on the Fourth of July!.."

   ready for No Shave November 2009. Join the Facebook Group!

   whispering sweet nothings in your boyfriends ear...as we speak

   How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on?

   Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? :)

   America, we are out of toilet paper.

   ♫♪Yankee Doodle went to town...♫♪ Is Macaroni the feather, thehat, or the pony?