Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My Mom texted me, "What does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?" I answered, "I don't know, love you, and talk to you later." She said, "Ok I'll ask your sisters."

   Who wants to go to Antarctica to see Penguins......I am sure they will land up in Delhi this year in search of COLD!!!!

   petrified and dismayed. Since when does the boogeyman where a cassock, a white collar and carry a book with a red ribbon marker?

   Jake and Vienna acted like they are already married.

   officially erasing all BOYS from her contacts!

   Awww! Isn't that sweet. Everyone's so in love from Facebook how long thats going to last.. like in relationship but its complicated WTF

   I have "plan B" dates....everytime I make the plans, my date wants to abort & not go through with it

   Only people who buy Corvettes are 40 year olds fearing mid life and his wifes social disabilities. Buy a real car.

   Why people diss Wal-Mart? Is it so great that it has the most number of haters?

   I don't care how hot you are, honey...if I go to "toss the salad" and you didn't clean up right...it's over.

   Did anyone else leave the new Dark Knight movie looking forward more to the next Anne Hathaway movie than another sub par attempt at the Dark Knight

   If the fine for not wearing a mask is $100 for the first time. Does anyone know where I can get a season pass?

   To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn't easy...

   Who in their right mind would actually eat secret document paper? Has to be a fat person.

   This status is brought to you by the makers of Fug detergent. If Duz won't do it and Rinso won't rinse it, Fug it.

   I think sweatshirts and sweatpants should be called something different. Who was the idiot that said, "hey, let's name this garment something that let's everyone know that it's purpose is to soak up bodily fluid!" That's DISGUSTING!!! Perspire attire?!?!?

   EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwards

   I have a toothache. Sorta. Some chick with loose teeth was giving me skull and bit me. There's a bicuspid implanted in my c*ck.

   I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.

   Daffy donald maked another gaffe. He cheers the faithful for "abolition of civil rights." Or did he ?