Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just did the Facebook movie thingy. Mine came back rated R

   I just tried to view on my Facebook (a look back) movie and had to agree that I was 18 or older before proceeding.

   that bowlof green chili burned a hole in my as

   Mr. I'm so not funny, you're as funny as a pile of rhino crap...hahahahaha stupid

   I asked a lazy fellatio artist how her day went, she said (it kinda sucked)

   What else do you bring to the mix besides GREED?

   Why would vodka do this to me? I’ve always been so loyal

   Just got a call from the post office, can they start delivering some of my cards now, they're running out of room in their sorting office

   Sorry I told you I could tell you don't give your husband BJs from the look he had in your family portrait.

   maybe talk to ya when ya get yer balls sewn back on...thats if she lets ya have em back from out of her hand bag

   I wish people were more social on social sights. . .

   Burger King is the only fast food I trust... because it costs $10.47 for a chicken sandwich and takes 40minutes to prepare...

   Shout out to everyone who's trying to get their life together. Working on yourself is the hardest part of life. So is wet t-shirt contests during Spring Break!!!

   "Mannekin Pis on your bombs": an unlikely statue is now an icon of Belgian defiance.

   As an Easter present, wrap grapes in color foil and send a basket of them to the IRS.

   Maybe she's born with spit. Maybe it's Vaseline.

   I never imagined living in a world where being all thumbs meant you could out text all your friends.

   It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

   (An news article comment) "I'm going to go online and complain about this" watch the replies

   Heavy D: Now that we found love, what are we gonna do with it? Scientist: Containment protocol, we can't have everybody catching feelings.