Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A woman looked DEEP into my eyes today, I was feeling it, then she ruined it by saying I needed glasses.

   I wish that Toyota girl would go places.

   It’s all fun & games until feelings & emotions get involved then it becomes life.

   Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you break the monotony.

   I want to see a volcano erupt because I have an interest in geology. I want to see one erupt under your house because you're an a$$hole

   1million bucks from the new fantasy game doesn't go far. gas alone gonna take half when you buy any car.

   regretting his decision to celebrate hump day by getting a camel tattooed on his big toe!

   pounding vicobeer at 11 in the morning!

   Why man up when you can down a margarita?

   If some of you all put your heads together..We would only get some dandruff.

   just been given two weeks to live.The girlfriends gone away for a fortnight.

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again! How scary would that be!

   It is amazing how life is full of the most beautiful things, some people see them as beautiful and bright, some see them as dark and mysterious, is there always a bright light at the end? I'm just glad I can see them!

   In my family, we always celebrate 11/11/11 on the evening of 11/10/11. Like they did in the Bible.

   Some people seem to have an issue with the responsibility of being trusted.

   F#ck annoying! its irrelevant.

   nursing his a55 from the pain left by all those bites from life!

   Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.

   "just like a prayer" i'm hopeing madonna dosen't have a "wardrobe malfunction"....nobody wants to see that madge!!!!

   thanks facebook. now I can get a pic of candy instead of somethin I can actually f#kin eat!