Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ne-yo once sang that he is so sick of love song, but why does he continues singing it??? weird...........

   Now these are just plain stupid. Can someone PLEASE just create one with Natural humor? Not just "forced/Trying too hard" Humor!

   My dear, I know I need Jesus...because that palm tree is way too high for me to climb and trim myself...

   "Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon." -Jamaican naming six days of the week

   If she drinks apple juice she is too young for you bro

   -A dad buys a lie detector robot, which slaps people when they lie.. so he decides to test it out a dinner. Dad: "Son, where were you today?" Son: "I was at school." The robot, slaps the boy. Son: "Okay Okay, I did drugs with a friend!" ... Dad: "What! Wh

   Snooki is pregnant with a due date on December 21st?...Touche Mayans...Touche

   my name is what, my name is who, my name is chicka chicka slim shady

   I don't care if our president lies all the time. As long as he's pushing of the Dems, that's the only thing I care about. I'm happy with that!

   Did you hear that? That was a g@y man farting without his butplug.

   Remember to wear your hoodies up today...even though it will be 90 degrees. WWTRD?

   Holy crap! With all these famous people getting the skeletons pulled out of their closets, I'm starting to feel like a saint.

   Family barbecues are great and all, but apparently Home Depot has a policy against them now.

   Preventing wars while protecting a nation's interests is hard. Starting them while serving only your own interests is easy.

   when we see the rainbow in the sky is it because this is the time for gay people to celebrate their queerness

   brought to you in full digital and is giving out coupons for your box.

   doing the Helen Keller and talking with her hips.

   Fox News: A channel solely dedicated to political humor by taking everything that is right with the world, twisting it so it's so wrong that it's funny, then claiming that it's news. The only bad thing about this channel is its lack of a laugh track.

   The best part of wakin up!!!!,,, issss marijuana in your lungs!!!!!

   bald, fat, Chinese, rich. Wanna goto the movie sometime?