Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Of all the names for a cookie...who the hell came up with "Snickerdoodle"?

   If I deleted people from my home page, wouldn't it just make more sense to delete them completely?

   You failed me when I needed you the most... stupid cell phone!!

   I wish some1 would invent a pillow that has soap, deodorant, eggs, bacon, juice, my clothes & where I'm suppose to be already in it.

   Never Explain -- your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway

   Stop the Madness!!!! haha If you're broke it doesn't matter where you like your purse!

   Fills betrayed. Found out the bass pro shop has been open in Nashville for a month and my wife has been throwing the mail fliers away

   Would like to copyright a Dark chestnut ribbon now! Not sure for what good cause yet but have to get in early we are running out of colors!

   ...the monkey's out of the bottle, man.

   And the Hedonist of the Year award goes Charlie Harper, who couldn't be with us tonight. Accepting the award on his behalf is Charlie Sheen. Oh, wait ... what's the difference? =p

   been searching and searching all her life, and STILL can't find the yellow brick road!

   Captain's log, stardate 41358.2. I am nailed to the hull.

   Where does steel wool come from?

   I expect 2011 AMA performances will include Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and supergroup N*KOTBSB 182 Degrees...

   I am not afraid of heights... I am afraid of widths.

   Three stages of marriage:1st Mad for each other, 2nd made for each other, 3rd mad because of each other.

   Just got my Sketcher shape-ups now I'm gonna get in shape without ever going to the gym

   Lorie Goodman ...Is having my own tribute to Dio by Cranking the music up and blowing my eardrums out for! MORIN!

   Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.

   This is a full blown Four Alarm fishing season emergency here. All thats left is to press on and have the hap... hap... happiest fishing trip since Bing Crosby Tap danced with Danny Frikin Kay.