Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know your ugly when you have more pictures of your family then yourself ' Haha

   ʇɐ s,oɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ˙˙˙ uoıʇısod ʇɥƃıɹ ǝɥʇ uı ʍou ɯɐ ı' ʞo

   16-year-old Taylor Momsen says her best friend is her vibrator. In other news, Justin Bieber says he never goes anywhere without his buttplug.

   We need Facebook Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   When you are a kid, it makes you proud when someone says "Wow! You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.

   Jesus is lord. Strangely enough he's also my coke dealer and gardener.

   Whitney Houston has been reunited with her daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, hopefully together they can both rest in peace. ‪

   Best one liner in 2022 so far: "What a moron...Jesus Christ!".

   (All the lights by Osama bin laden)Everything is right, A hole in my head, Osama gone…that n-gga dead!Restraining order can't get over the boarder,Clinton, Bush, Obama hate me in that order.

   I wonder if the people that voted for Obama are the same people that voted for Sanjaya on American Idol?

   A man's home might be his castle, but his wife is usually the one who rules it.

   I hope Kate Middleton doesn't have a misscarriage or Elton John will write a song about it.

   Man put God in the mind and he ruined the whole brain since the first millenium.

   typed this with her toes.

   doesn't believe we put a man on the moon.

   you can have a warm glass of shut the hell up, now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep....your in my world now grandma!!

   You know those couples where the wife is 40 something and looks like 20 something, and the husband makes over 100k and the teenagers are respectful and good looking and they go out to eat together on Friday nights as a family? I HATE those people!

   This Thanksgiving, comedians, especially Alec Baldwin, should give thanks for Trump.

   Today only: PetSmart is giving away free canaries with no perches necessary.

   Holly Christ!! I'm as high as whoever wrote the Bible.