Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if we all have underware we like and don't like why don't we throw away the ones we don't like and buy more of the ones we do like.

   Wanted to play a game called Everybody Hates X, but realized that nobody would play because everybody hates X

   1st day of 2010 and am thinking to my self 365 days of drinking to go, my liver is giving me a finger

   life is too short to be spent pondering eternity

   says they're giving up to $1000 for a human guinea pig at the University science dept!....(twitch)..I did it last time and I'm just fine......(twitch)

   decided to judge a book by it's cover.. because sometimes they turn out to be pretty good =)

   wondering if Shaq has my back, how come he never pays my cable bill?

   Dont say i'm a "law abiding citizen" to the deputy who pulled you over with katt williams

   Important Notice, if you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   A dumb girl goes into pc world and asks for curtains the sales man says " you dont need curtains for a computer" she replys "but mine has windowss"..?

   The women I work with must have the most disgusting bathrooms at home for that kind of smell to emanate right outside the "Ladies Room".

   "Like"ing a comment is as good as a conversation terminator as "LOL".

   Today my friend told that when she was younger she used to be so obsessed with tooth fairy that she used to rip out even healthy teeth. @oh it must of hurt heaps?- I asked her To what she replyed. Donno ask my lil bro

   Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....

   I wrote something about drugs and my mom "liked" it!

   relieved. He hasn't seen this many miners since Neverland closed.

   born in a system That doesn't give a f**k about you nor me nor the lies

   Guess facebook is my woman because I wake up and say good morning and whats on my mind

   If they can come out with an app that can do your homework 4 you I swear...

   Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?