Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if men had periods, would they brag about the size of their tampons?

   Even ugly babies are still kinda cute.

   Paddy goes on a 1st aid course, the instructor asks him what would you do if your child swallowed the front door key? Paddy said i'd climb through the window.

   I never figured "HECK" is a combination of Hell and Fcuuk.

   I am surprised nobody has thought of inventing sleeping pills for toddlers.

   a woman's mid section is called a waist because there's clearly room for 2 more breasts...

   Don't judge a book by its cover but you can judge a girl by the quality of her baby toe.

   Finally There is a solution to get rod off Timeline. Go to youtube search on How to remove timeline and click on the second link.

   come to the conclusion that you don't BUY beer....you just rent it.

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!

   wondering if what he is wondering is wonderful enough!

   ``I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall.''

   what does Relationship Status "ITS COMPLICATED" really means...Does it mean a Single man with Broken Hand or a Married person not getting any sex and hand broken too.?...Somebody please EXPLAIN

   I'm going to invent the Facebook Status Flipbook. An animated screen capture collection. Met a new guy (flip), it's only been a week but I Love him (flip), week 2 and I hate him (flip), deleting Facebook (flip), I Love him again.

   I Love You like HELL!!! Its just that I don't want to DIE ;)

   Duran Duran have reworked one of their classic singles for the World Cup. It goes, 'His name is Rio and he watches from the stands...'

   efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.

   Likes putting 1lb bags of M&M's in the Diabetic and Diet food asiles at the grocery store.

   Breaking News: Hero pigeon craps on A-Rod during 600th home run trot around the bases