Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Quick! When the hunky bartender gets the security guard and points at you; that means he's interested right? I think I’m going to drink for free the rest of the night...

   I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..

   Oscar Pistorius is probably kicking himself in the @$$ right about now.

   so lazy today that I cant even finish a

   I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people

   I'm sorry... But I would kick that Waldo's ass in Hide and Go Seek!

   it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?

   no amount of cash is petty

   I see you drivin ’round town with a girl I love, and I’m like, it’s nice that she has alternative transportation.

   Hey you guys! Rock bottom has a buffet and an open bar!

   I think those who wear the sagging pants should start wearing skinny jeans. At least it would be entertaining watching them trying to walk.

   there are no winners the day following a draft beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.

   I'm a people person. As long as the people are hot girls...

   I want to walk up to your dad, kick him square in the nuts and ask him WHY.

   Just because you had an arugment doesn't mean you are fighting. Frickin' dramatic people!

   Doing the Chipotle cleanse.

   A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

   There's only three things I wanna win at 1) Life 2) beer Pong 3) Video Games

   If you are in very psychological relationship... Make sure (s)he's psycho and you're logical

   Ask your doctor before taking alcohol 7 nights a week if you're pregnant, nursing, or want to have any liver left in 20 years.