Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   being chased by the paparazzi

   Beepedy,beep beep....

   Come on, give me that booze you little pumpkin pie hair cutted freak.

   I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff.

   In a world without walls and fences - who needs Windows and Gates?

   ¡¡¡ƃuılıǝɔ ƃuıʞɔ*ɟ ʎɯ ɟɟo ʇǝƃ `lǝuoıl ʎǝɥ

   ..crossword puzzles always remind her of her arguments with her exes. One word leads to another...

   If Facebook is running slower than my brain before breakfast, they should probably fix the problem asap.

   mutilating a Foreigner song, just to be an a$$. "He's a juice box hero, with straws in his eyes!"

   One of these days I'm going to run in to this Murphy dude who insists on making these messed up laws... and he's going to get knocked the F out!!!!

   It said in the paper 'Sex pest wanted by Police', I rang up to see what the hours were

   Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.

   Rock breaks scissors. But paper covers rock, and scissors cut paper! We have a conundrum. Search for paper... and bring me a rock.

   there anybody else alive out there!?.. is that a No? If no one answers then I'm just gonna assume that's a "No" and that I can walk the street to a local gas station at 2:00 AM completley naked..."

   I was just asked to touch base with a female co-worker on a project. I hope it's 2nd base...

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   Erectile disfunction commercials make watching TV with your parents akward!!!

   stealing the greener grass from the other side

   I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

   Why is it I always get on an airplane to ultimately get seated between someone that doesn't believe in deodorant and someone that weighs 300lbs? This is why people hate flying