Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   does't care what anybody says, there is just something fundamentally awesome about sporks

   Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

   In hindsight...maybe telling the whole family while we were pulling names for christmas grab bag that I was going to be getting into directing porn was not really the ideal time to do so....I did however draw Grandma Gertrude though!!!!

   Speeding Ticket Excuse... I thought you wanted to race

   Let's take turns going crazy. You first.

   I like walking into bars and hitting up the jute box and playing Right Said Fred I'm too sexy 20 times in a row and leaving!

   is just me, or does anyone else's cold medina taste a little funky?

   Facebook is the only place where it's normal to talk to a wall!

   UGA 55, LA Lafayette 7...looks like BP wasn't the only ones to screw LA this summer.

   We stand, we fall, we stand right back up and whoop a$$. Let the innocent souls be felt on this day.

   Its National Regret-Your-TATTOO DAY. (Not really but it cant be too far off)

   buying illegal things on the internet.

   Never kick a fresh terd on a hot day!

   real soon i'll need a better excuse than "sorry i'm trapped in the chilean mines right now"...

   I've got the 28th pick in my Fantasy Chilean miner league. Let's hope there's some good ones still down there.

   God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

   just getting jiggy with it!

   Stay classy Facebook.

   ...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!

   Some git has stolen a pair of my wifes knickers of the washing line shes not bothered just wants the 22 pegs back