Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Look all I'm saying is that if it was not meant to be eaten, it wouldn't be shaped like a taco..

   Infertility doctors who miraculously make babies should be called VAGICIANS

   ...... Liberals are obviously Latinophobes .... Ever notice how Liberal/Progressives say they are moving to Canada if Trump gets elected and never Mexico?

   Dear Rappers, please stop putting police sirens in your songs. Sincerely, All Paranoid Drivers.

   I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.

   Bernie Sanders looks like the guy in disaster movies who knows whats coming but no one listens to cause his hair bad and he keep dropping his papers....

   On the next Celebrity Apprentice, Donald Trump picks his White House Cabinet.

   Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it's the stupid people who need it?

   My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! What an idiot! Who threatens someone with a vacation???

   The only time I'll ever need an intervention is if they name a beer after it.

   hope it isnt wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets.

   I am tired of being treated as a perfect piece of meat by woman. I am so tired of them only seeing the perfect man with unbelievable flawless features .......Try talking for once , bet you didn't even know I used to have a goldfish

   Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.

   My name is Brian but my friends call me when they need a favour.

   There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

   Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.

   It's almost as if Kanye West doesn't realize his girlfriend actually made and distributed p orn.

   I'm not an a$$hole, I just play one around stupid people.

   Its not enough to just be in a relationship, now you have to state what type too? FB is out of control!!! What the heck is a open domestic partnership? That's just pimping ....

   Any teenager who is anxious to run his or her own life is obviously too young to do it.