Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Why haven't Fruity/cocoa pebbles teamed up with a milk company to make the flavor of milk that has the taste after you eat the cereal 
interviewer: describe yourself in three words. frankenstein’s monster: a people person
I wonder if Prius owners put playing cards between the spokes of their wheels so they will sound like real cars.
That hospital class on parenting I took didn’t include enough wrestling tips.
Went on a date last night and after it was over she said “Thank you for wearing a mask.” Honesty wasn’t sure how to take that. 😐
opening and closing my bank account like I do the fridge hoping things will improve
1965~ Wow Cher looks good 1985 ~ Wow Cher looks good 1995 ~ Wow Cher looks good 2020 ~Wow Cher looks good 3035 ~ Wow Cher looks good
I just took the Christmas tree down. Gonna dye Easter eggs this afternoon.
Safe travels to all the parents heading out to buy the batteries they didn’t know they needed.
I'd like to cancel my subscription to 2021. I've experienced the 7-Day Free Trial and I'm not interested.
Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
This bathroom looks like my kids’ toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher.
just gave my 5yo power of attorney
in the movies everyone can hotwire a car in ten seconds meanwhile it takes me twenty minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental
Honestly son, that nightlight just makes it easier for the monsters to find you.
Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99
A big difference between men and women I've found during my 60 years of living is that if a woman says 'smell this' it's likely to smell nice.
Remember to double check lawn signs during the election primaries. I just tried to vote for a real estate agent...
The guy I paid to pave my driveway hasn’t shown up in two weeks. I’m not worried tho. I’m sure he’ll resurface one day.
I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked.. but that’s rare. 