Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The chick at this circus just swallowed a sword and I saw a guy elbow his woman like “see?...” 
Service so bad the waitress owes you money
I'm not the one who spent $600 on a first class ticket for my pet rabbit. Blame my wife!!
Losing an argument with your woman? Just tell her "My mom was right about you" to get the upper hand.
I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!
I’m already an idiot, I just need a village
think about this. if you put a banana down you have to put it on its side. but if you slice it and put those slices flat they r actually standing up. this is why I don’t trust bananas. they r never as they seem
I’m going to start following my dogs lead and bite some ankles when you get too close to me.
My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops.
Think I've been staying home isolating for too long as I just watched a Hallmark holiday Christmas movie in its entirety and I actually thought it wasn't corny.
kicked out of the bowling alley for dribbling again
My Grandmother is telling me a story of how my Grandfather turned into a sex machine after he got Alzheimer’s bc he thought she was his hot new girlfriend and would tell her, “you’re nothing like that hellcat I was married to”
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence. Is this true? I have my doubts.
No one is my co-pilot; that seat’s for my snacks.
Grew up in a neighborhood so tough, all the kids put onions in their ‘no tears’ shampoo.
I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night... Not Happy.
I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said BREAD IN CAPTIVITY.
Tampax is the newest sponsor of NASCAR. If you're looking for tickets to the Tampon 500, I could pull some strings!
Rapper "Pop Smoke" has died. Please respect my privacy at this time, while I try to figure out who the heck he was.
Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist. 