Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If people make you sick, try cooking them a little longer

   The Internet has taught me two things: First, there are some incredibly brilliant people out there. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.

   They say that the machines of the future will be as smart as people. Which people? It kind of matters.

   Stop trying to please people that already don't like you. Instead embrace the idea of being the most annoying person in their lives.

   People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse".

   There are roughly 700,000 people having sex at any given moment. Meanwhile, I'm practicing how to kiss a girl with wild raccoons.

   I wonder what people who type "u" instead of "you" do with all their free time.

   I hate when people say "Act like an adult". Have you seen adults lately? That's horrible advice!

   They say "the machines of the future" will be as smart as people. Okay, but which people? Because that makes a huge difference.

   Before the Internet, most people thought villages only had one idiot. We sure as heck did not have that right.