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   I remember when I was a kid you could go to the store with $1 and come home with three bags of chips, two candy bars and a cold drink. Now, they have cameras everywhere.

   Whenever I see a warning label on peanut butter saying it may contain peanuts... I understand why aliens don't visit us anymore.

   EVERY TIME I visit a website, I click Accept cookies. I have yet to receive a single cookie and I'm getting sick and tired of the lies.

   When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say, "Excuse me, do you work here?" just to help keep things real 🤣

   Anyone know how long you could store an unopened loafs of fruit cakes for? Just planning on next year‘s Christmas gifts.

   Did you hear about the duck who walked into a convenience store to buy some chap stick and cashier asked cash or charge? And duck said just put it on my bill.

   A lady in the grocery store asked me why some eggs were white, and some were brown. I told her the brown ones were whole wheat. 🤣

   no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.

   Dump means it, or doesn't mean it, or didn't mean it but now means it, or he meant it but now doesn't mean he meant it, or he didn't mean he meant it but now doesn't mean he means it, or he does, or he doesn't, or maybe he's a stupid f*cking lying cvnt

   The JD intends to restore the gun rights of Mel Gibson, a personal friend of Dump, after he lost them due to a domestic violence conviction. Turns out not all Dump's friends are r*pists Some are just wife-beaters.