Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ultimately, I have no hard feelings, wherever my missing socks go, I hope they find happiness
←Rate | 03-26-2018 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
←Rate | 03-26-2018 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me & my dog lay together for hours a day. Eventually he gets up and goes to lay somewhere else. It hurts my feelings every single time.
←Rate | 03-26-2018 14:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday evening on 60 Minutes was the first time for a lot of men that they didn’t have to verify that they were over the age of 18 before they seen Stormy Daniels.
←Rate | 03-26-2018 07:16 by Crewz Comments (1)  


   messageicon None of us really knows anything about Stormy Daniels other than her first pet's name was Stormy & she grew up on Daniels street.
←Rate | 03-26-2018 02:04 by Jergim Comments (1)  


   messageicon I really loved that Stormy Daniels interview on 60 minutes. Best 60 minute of my life!
←Rate | 03-25-2018 22:20 Comments (3)  


   messageicon I'm looking for a woman who'll love me for my money but is really bad at math
←Rate | 03-25-2018 19:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I got so high ,I had to turn down the TV because I couldn't taste my Macaroni and Cheese .
←Rate | 03-25-2018 18:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ohhhh you’re an alpha male on the Internet. Here. Have a cookie.
←Rate | 03-25-2018 07:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon They should make supermarket camouflage so people you know won't see you and want to talk to you.
←Rate | 03-25-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is my salad fork. That's my dinner fork. This is my lasagna shovel.
←Rate | 03-25-2018 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone who says you added too much cheese is an undercover cop.
←Rate | 03-25-2018 07:18 by @kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
←Rate | 03-25-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Pop Tart is really just a dessert Hot Pocket...
←Rate | 03-24-2018 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: The 2nd amendment is why we have the other 26 amendments
←Rate | 03-24-2018 16:03 by Hillbilly Comments (9)  


   messageicon A sheep spends it's entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 13:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like the first amendment is more powerful than the second.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 12:50 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't get women. My wife said she bought this lingerie for me, but then got boiling angry when I put it on.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 12:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dancing in the 70's: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
←Rate | 03-24-2018 12:31 Comments (0)  




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