Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jumped up for no apparent reason. Have not returned to the ground yet.

   having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think ive remembered this before.

   If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!!

   trying to kick the habit.... but nicotine gum is a hard habit to break...

   Nothing to prove & very little to lose

   Celebrities walk on the red carpet because they're famous, I walk on toilet paper cuz I'm the sh**!

   finally done with his taxes and has come to the conclusion that taxation WITH respresentation isn't that great either!

   a pocket full of sunshine.

   played golf today...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...

   waiting on the kool-aid guy to burst through my wall!

   now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car.

   used to live in the real world but he got evicted

   receives sound advice from girlfriends. 99% sound, 1% advice.

   still misses someone. But his aim is improving!

   stopped to think and forgot to start again

   beware of the "Facecrook" who keeps stealing my friends !!

   wishing people would stop sending me crap! I have enough stuff to do

   to read directions to cook ramen noodles.

   lost his teddy bear... Will you sleep with me?

   offered in an assortment of colours.