Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders...If 7-11 is open 24hrs a Day, 365 Days a year......Why are there locks on the door?

   Bloody speed cameras are a complete con. Not only do the photos take about five weeks to arrive, but they cost £75 a picture.

   campaigning early... 'Anyone Else 2012'

   ,"for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son,that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."JOHN 3:16

   not an actor on TV but is one in real life.

   If your having facial spasms I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a twitch aint one.

   The first person who milked a cow... wtf were they doing there?

   You don't have to change much to change everything.

   marriage? no thanks I can't mate in captivity.

   duct tape is like violence: If it's not working, you're not using enough of it.

   likes huge ( . )Y( . )

   doesn't blame Congress. If I had 600 billion does I would be irresponsible too...

   auditioned to be the 5th Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but sadly, is too old.

   Sexy,Single and ready to mingle!!!

   waking up in vegas

   has not lost his mind; it's backed up on disk somewhere.

   wonders if there is another word for synonym!

   handing out clean needles at the Betty Ford Clinic

   Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

   cooking an Indian tonight. It's the best way to get rid of the evidence before he's reported missing