Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   asks: It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.

   hasn't had his coffee this morning so don't make me kill you

   wants to remind you that only dead fish go with the flow

   it's not the size of the wave that counts, it's the motion of the ocean

   ...can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

   ...To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

   hopes that after I die, people will say of me: "Man... that guy sure owed me a lot of money."

   ...If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

   ..Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.

   ...If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

   ...Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

   hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.

   Silly Balloon Boy Dad. The only way you can get away with lying to the American people and toying with their emotions is to be a politician.

   .ʇı ʎuǝp oʇ ʎɹʇ ʇ,uop .ʍou ʇɥbıɹ ʎɐʍɐ puıɯ ɹnoʎ buıʍo1q

   my children are ARE well behaved!! everyone just has high standards

   My Reality Check bounced.

   thinks everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

   wonders if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   my husband said he wanted me to tease him, so I said "Alright, fatty." I guess that's not what he meant. :(

   spooning with the cat tonight.