Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't ask me to tell you my status, FACEBOOK, you're not my therapist!

   knowledge is knowing that pepper is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in fruit salad

   seeking a meaningful overnight relationship

   If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room

   there are two rules to getting rich. 1) Don't tell all you know

   there may not be an "I" in team but there's an "M" and "E"

   n't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?

   Have no fear of perfection–you'll never reach it.

   It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, or vacuum cleaner.

   very temperamental - 50% temper and 50% mental.

   Why does Walmart make their prices on food so cheap then charge an extra 2 bucks for extended sizes? I guess they are getting their money one way or another!

   : Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

   : One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

   ..wonders why is there a man in the bottom corner of her TV playing charades?

   GREAT! Only 7 more days left of viewing pictures of kids dressed as beggars!

   yay! ive got mail! yay! do you got mail?! ive got mail! yay!

   Live like a kindergartener, you dont have to have the coolest clothes or hottest girlfriend you just have to have the biggest box of crayons

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

   wondering why no matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, it doesnt hurt. I know your trying it now arent you?

   You know times are tough when you go trick or treating and a guy is handing out his resume