Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we have an enormous feast, and then I kill them and take their land.

   So stick that in your juice box & suck it!!

   Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.

   filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.

   Happy Thanksgivings...Screw the turkey, I want to stuff my woman...

   May contain nuts.

   Thanksgiving is the one day each year day families get together…and remind themselves why they only get together once a year.

   the only time love comes before sex is in the dictionary.

   has just read his wife's magazines and there seems to be two topics of major importance to women: .1) Why men are such disgusting pigs and .2) How to attract a man!

   to be a roadie,, get on the roads not on a stupid tv show!!!

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.

   On this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for family and friends and the fact I don't have to wear Depends. I'm thankful for hard alcohol and seeing friends at the Mall, But most of all I'm thankful for turkey and stuffin' and SWEET, SWEET HOT LOVIN'!!!!

   trying to think of ways to coax the gerbil out. Shoulda known they could chew through a sock

   its right what they say fruit is good for constipation. I got my phone bill this morning from orange and I nearly s**t myself.

   saving a lot on car insurance by switching to Geico. (singing) I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY'S WATCHING MEEEEEEE..

   American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert has revealed to Rolling Stone magazine that he's gay. In other news, Barack Obama is black, Paris Hilton is kind of slutty, and Clay Aiken is also gay.

   what a lame bar...the drinks are weak, the mucis sucks, and all the women are like "I'm busy", "What do you want?", or "this is pottery class, sir!"...jeeze...

   why did helen kellers dog run away?... you would too if your name was hhemirnemingefle

   could not take it anymore...I felt like the speaker was baiting me..so I threw my zima at his head and told them all...AA needs to tone this s***down a bit....and I left