Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!

   im like buger king and your like mcdonalds il have it my way and yu will be loving it

   she will name her first cyber baby after you ;)

   Tiger's latest voice mail message "Hi Kobe, it's Tiger....can you give me the name of that jeweler you told me about".

   says here's to honor...get on her and stay on her!

   it safe to have unprotected text after a period?

   Name: If girls have period pains, guys should be kicked in the balls once a month

   i still think womens clothes look best on the floor.

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   The police officer asked Tigers wife "how many times did you hit him ma'am?" She responded "Oh, I don't know, put me down for a 5"

   whats the difference between a SUV and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards...

   I should have guessed that huge red toy on the wall at the sex shop was too good to be true! Oh well. I might be $50 shorter but I now have a fire extinguisher for the home!

   A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.

   never steal... the goverment hates competition!

   puts the fun in funeral

   the oldest he has ever been.

   JUICE BOX TIME!

   thinks it's obvious that a guy created google...i'm feeling lucky?

   brakes for unicorns.

   do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.