Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   that if an old, fat man comes down you chimney tonight, creeps into your bedroom and kidnaps you don't worry! I asked santa for a friend for christmas and he is just getting me one :)

   doesn't believe "meat curtain" is an appropriate reference for a woaman's parts. But he has to admit, an Arby's "Big Montana" bears a striking resembelance.

   liking ones own status is a sign of self esteem. (X likes this)

   Tiger Woods went from being "married" to "it's complicated."

   I used to have super powers, but my psychiatrist took them away

   I love cooking with wine. Sometimes,i'll even put it in my food.

   I just paid $200 to join the National Believers in Reincarnation Club. It cost alot but oh well,you only live once.

   just two away from a threesome last night...

   word is that Tigers sponsors are not going to drop him. Who would with the slogans "Just do it " and "Is it in you?"

   Why does a blonde have TGIF written on thier shoes? Toes Go In First.

   99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

   maybe Tiger Woods' relationship status should say "it's really complicated"

   Chasing a FAT MAN in red with salad, Oh It's SANTA

   OK I Just Don't Get The Firefly Song ...You would not believe your eyes-If ten million fireflies-Lit up the world as I fell asleep-'Cause they'd fill the open air-And leave teardrops everywhere-You'd think me rude-But I would just stand and stare

   Let's start a post that will be positive . . . . What is on your Christmas wish list?? (in the real world, of course we'd all like more money, etc....)

   remember no one can ever make you feel inferior without your consent....never consent!

   ....MMmmm Santa, I'm so naughty I'll turn your HO HO HO into OH OH OH!!

   We don't need new applications, We don't need no ad control, Some light sarcasm in my update, Hey! Facebook! Leave us kids alone! All in all it's just another post on my wall.

   learned that the best gift of chirstmas is seeing the disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real.

   Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.