Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't want to lie to your face, so could you do me a huge favor and turn around?

   i hate to love, I love to hate...

   it true when the Pillsbury Dough boy bends over you see doughnuts??

   You call it Gray Hair...I call it "Stress Highlights".

   thinking about eating right, exercising, and quitting all my bad habits. But then I would attract too much attention, and frankly, I like my privacy.

   So far today I made only one mistake...I GOT OUT OF BED!!!

   Free Snowmen outside.......some assembly required

   wonders....with the largest memory chip, if the iPad will be nicnamed the "MaxiPad."

   thought the iPad was for the iPod for Bostonians

   A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   I just committed the perfect crime. I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court. I pleaded insanity.

   The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

   "never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard on and never, ever trust a fart." Jack Nicholson

   Yo Mama is so fat! She uses an iPad as an iPhone.

   busy filling water balloons with fire hoses.

   Midgets got 99 problems, but an inch ain't one.

   lost her virginity, but still has the box it came in.

   hhhmmmmm the state of the union is on the B.E.T. network? I never saw that when Bush was in office.

   Today Apple unveiled the new I-Pad. You know, for those days when your not feeling so fresh.

   wondering if they call loacal area networks in Australia the LAN Down Under!!!!!