Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list

   Shin and/or Toe: Definition: Device(s) used to locate furniture in the dark......

   Use Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on e-bay?? I put in a bid for a "Mickey Mouse outfit" and now it seems I am only 15 minutes away from owning the "Saints Football Team"....

   Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because they are plugged into a genius.

   $14.97 cents of hotness. Which means that although my good looks cannot pay my bills they certainly can pay for a pizza which will give me $14.95 cents of temporary gratification and 2 cents to tell you off!

   How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!

   Ashley cole was arrested for speeding!! In his defence, he was told tht John Terry's car was parked outside his house!!!

   If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

   found the SPOT Tonites gonna b a good good nite...

   googling for Honest Politicians but the search keeps coming as "0" search found.

   Oh God! Please teach me to appreciate what I have, before time forces me to appreciate what I had

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

   now lets not exaggerate on how good, Dear john was...

   now I know I havnt really prayed alot but if you're out there save me, superman

   George Washington's brother, Larry, was the Uncle of Our Country."

   wondering if everyone has an unique Fart Scent.