Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   God. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

   ~ Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.~

   Now With Extra Pulp, Squeezed Fresh For Your Statusfaction.

   Happy Single-Awareness Day!

   Guys Don't Worry about Today, Your Women Can Be Satisfied with Only 8.5 cm ... and It Doesn't Matter If It is VISA or MASTERCARD !!!

   I'm already a fan of good times, beer, and women..Why would I want to become a fan of anything else?!

   just heard that there is snow on the ground somewhere in every state in the union except Hawaii. Global warming, you know. . .

   Happy New Year to all my Chinese friends, and those who just want a reason to party. With it coinciding with Valentines Day, I know of one professional golfer who is planning to celebrate the 14th & all year long. After all, it IS the Year of the Tiger!

   Hey look! I am invisible!

   "If you are Jordan, Wade, Garnett or Peyton, it worked. It don't work on Leroy." --- Charles Barkley

   "Have you ever noticed that Gatorade doesn't work on guys who suck?" --- Charles Barkley

   will always believe that cupid rhymes with stupid.

   I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

   - I am looking for my Valentine's Day Date on the Casual Encounters Section of Craigslist.

   a barbie girl in a barbie world.

   abstinance makes the church grow fondlers

   can't find a valentine even though I have gotten my bedwetting problem under control... what else do you lady's want from me... to watch lifetime with you???

   Women are like roads: the more curves they have,the more dangerous they are.

   - Ladies, you have Feb. 14th (Valentine's Day) - Not to worry Men, we have March 14th...If you don't know what March 14th is, Google it :)

   Love has its own time, its own season, its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coax it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you...