Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a guy dating a twin, haha, try telling her she's one of a kind!

   I hate it when people don't let me sleep, especially when I'm driving

   when the snowboarders are finished with their runs, do they go back to the Olympic Village and look for BC Bud?

   Please Be Nice to smokers. They don't have much time left.

   thankful that women are always checking him out, but still thinks there should be more male cashiers.

   Something went wrong. We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again. <--- Facebook's new slogan

   Dear Today, thank you for trying. I'm glad you're almost over. Love, X

   Everyone has a freak flag, some just fly their's more than others....im jus sayin....

   I had the right to remain silent...but I didn't have the ability.

   going to McDonald's for a salad like going to a brothel for a hug....

   Regardless of what my mom says, I'm pretty sure I would win a fight against a paper bag.

   when your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.

   Ladies, if you have to stand in front of us picking you underware out of your butt you might want to consider jeans that aren't so tight they require us to watch that type of nastiness...

   The people at MapQuest must think everyone is an idiot. Is it really necessary to start the directions with how to get out of your own driveway?

   the only mystery Scooby Doo will never solve.

   Men Play The Game, Women Know The Score.

   He who runs behind truck is exhausted, he who runs in front of truck is tired.

   Every time I find the key for success someone goes and change all the locks

   I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

   ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─ This drug is effective for cases of chronic boredom. Warning can be habit forming and lead to addiction!!!