Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I used to see this girl across the road from me. She would get naked for me each morning it was great. But now she closes her curtains.

   giving up shame for lent this year. Should make for a great week

   ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorized reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.

   not practicing Catholic so she's not giving anything up for Lent, but for those of you giving up alcohol, she's set up a collection bin outside her door>

   Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "

   So, ummm, Rihanna? Could you please give me a little variety in your music? I swear, woman -- ALL of your songs have the same beat and consists of you repeating multiple words multiple times. Work on that.

   Maybe T-Mobile and Sprint should fight it out on which is the better carrier. It help boost their sales. Its working with AT&T and Verizon.

   Tomorrow Tiger should say "I blame this sh*t on NIKE, they said just do it"

   Everyone's days are numbered. It's called a calendar.

   Gave a hot guy at the bar a high five, came back over to my friends and said yeah....I hit that.

   there are plenty of fish in the sea, too bad i'm a shark...

   3 YEARS OF THERAPY ....GONE ....in 60 sec

   They keep telling me that the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

   How could anybody in the World think that "wRiTiNg iN tHiS wAy" is cool??? It's only a language murder and a terrifying waste of writing-and-reading-time...stupid kids, have you got the hiccough???

   read that Toyota is asking all Prius owners to return cars to the dealerships as slowly as they possibly can.

   I have always been told to never say "never." On that note, never get into a food fight with cannibals and never be caught dead with a necrophilac.

   wishes the planet Pluto was still considered a planet. Happy birthday Pluto (Feb 18, 1930-Aug 24, 2006)

   wonders if anyone sees the irony of Goodyear providing the official arial coverage of the olympic games when they are a tire company...

   learn how to spell and type before you attempt to post a status message!

   Got a call from my mum. She wanted help with her jigsaw puzzle. I said "Sure thing,just look at picture on the front of the box.". "Its not helping"she said. "Its just a stupid rooster!" "Mum,you daft cow" said. "Just put the cornflakes back in the box."