Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   we go together like pimps hands and hoes faces

   true understanding can only be achieved through a balanced application of both head and heart...

   The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.

   wondering why that frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

   Life is like a warm cookie, you think you got it in one peice then it all crumbles

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   Man, good thing the Obama family got that dog. I'm pretty sure Sasha and Malia were tired of throwing frisbees at Joe Biden.

   wants you to know that these are in fact Bugle Boy jeans he's wearing.

   ready for upgrades, modifications and custom made specifications. (DP)

   wishes he could delete people in real life as fast as he can his facebook friends.

   Sometimes when my internet is down,i forget that the rest of my computer still works.

   When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining.

   Men,, we age like fine wine, women on the other hand age like milk,,, I hope you like yogurt

   More excited than Tiger Woods in a Strip Club

   Could switching to Geico really save you 50% or more on car insurance???.....Does being on Facebook really give you the feeling that people's lives are a little over-exaggerated just by reading their status updates?

   The difference between divorce and legal seperation is that legal seperation gives a husband time to hide his money.

   Would rather wash clothes than go to a Wnba game

   in bed by 9, and home by 11..

   ahh young Love. Full of promise, full of hope. Ignorant of reality