Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like having those fat girls as myspace friends, they always provide the cleavage photos, no wonder they receive so many darn comments

   please don't interrupt me while I am ignoring you.

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11

   To err is human,to blame it on someone else is more human..

   My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

   watching today the bare-knuckled, bruising clash between competitors vying to win recognition for their national pride. Then President Obama dismissed the Healthcare summit and I watched the Olympics.

   If Longfellow was right, that "Into each life a little rain must fall", I choose to have the showers that fall on Bill Gates or The Donald!!

   has heard that love makes the world go round... but so does tequila!

   I was walkin past my neighbours white van that was covered in dirt ,someone had wrote on it, "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van." I just couldn't help myself from writing, " She is... When your at work

   Today I saw two of my Facebook friends join a group called "I hold my boobs when I run down the stairs".

   If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

   On the list of things NOT to do today....play with killer whale.

   Have you crapped so violently that you back cracks and your legs spasms? Ohh, yeah me either...

   I believe my entire life is one complicated drinking game...

   This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!

   thinks parents are only as good as their dumbest kid... If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed.

   I don't think I'm ever going to win the lottery.. I can't even pick the pen that works from a choice of two at the lottery stand.

   found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on...not sure which one.

   forgot how delicious Vanilla pudding Snack Packs are and regrets to inform his children that they will not be making it to their lunch boxes.

   I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.