Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it takes 42 muscles to frown, But it only takes 4 muscles to extend ur arm out and smack'em in the head...

   I'm sorry liver...its St Patricks day. You can file the restraining order tomorrow.

   Why do leprechauns laugh when they run...? cuz the grass tickles their nuts..

   thinks he might be addicted to Facebook because he's seeing a lot of random people around the city, that he's already seen on Facebook....

   People with high I.Q.'s should get to vote twice.

   What do you say when an atheist sneezes...?

   Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? its giving me a false sense of anxiety...

   Kiss me I'm not Irish

   just had a green beer to celebrate St. Patricks Day... just wish someone had told me that it had been sitting out since new years!!!

   Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving all his clocks forward.

   just told that karma will come back around if I make fun of stupid people...now, I only make fun of rich, goodlooking skinny people!

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

   Found the pot at the end of the rainbow but the Leprechaun somked it!

   Just wondering why I was getting dirty looks from the clerk at the general store at 4am the other night. All I did was purchase Black garbage bags, duct tape, bleech, and latex gloves.

   believes Jimmy Buffet said it best. . . "Why dont we get drunk and screw?" Happy St. Patrick's and Hump Day everyone!!!

   on a dating site and asked if could add the girl to facebook... her response "dont think we are quite there yet" its official facebook is the new 1st base!

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   would like the PETA people not to have a cow because some people like to eat a good steak.

   riding the escalator the other day, and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half..

   The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family.