Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to ted kennedy

   Somehow, my inner beauty's not increasing my confidence when I'm walking into the sauna.

   thinks it's funny how a self - examination for testicular cancer easily turns in to masturbation

   "So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause..." - Star Wars Episode III

   would like to sublease his FB wall. He's still trying to find a way to make money here.

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   those acorns in my bag shrink when it gets cold.

   •If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

   not to happy with our Goverment and thinks there is some truth to the quote " What Lions they are Lead by such Lambs"

   Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall

   I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that, cuz I'm modest.

   Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?

   Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!

   Pamela Anderson looked so confused on Dancing With The Stars. I don't beleive she has ever danced without a pole before.

   Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs, never believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs.

   managed healthcare by an obsese surgeon general, passed by a Congress that has not read it, signed by a President that smokes, administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay taxes and financed by a country that is broke? What could go wrong?

   I asked my 7 year old daughter if you could be anyone out of a story book who would you be and she said snow white. when I asked her why she said mommy what girl wouldn't want to kiss 7 tiny lil men good night

   put a dyslexic joke on FB. Unfortunately, I have some dyslexic friends. I never heard the den of it from them!

   The perfect work excuse: "Hello? Boss? Yes, I'm sorry, I will not be coming to work today. I'm having vision problems. I can't see myself coming to work today!"

   Why dont you slip into something more comfortable... Like a coma!