Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   At first I didn't understand why Obama was so focussed on destroying America's health-care system, then I remembered that he promised thousands of shovel-ready jobs....grave diggers will soon be in high demand.

   If you're tired of everyone's FB status telling you to copy and paste their status as your status, copy this and paste it as your status.

   1065 friends on facebook and not one of ya came to vist me.........so up yours

   To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

   Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.

   I'm a genius we should get together a make smart children

   I don't want to move in for a month, I just wanna buy you a beer.

   can't believe the crazy things people do while driving. Lady in the car next to me is texting while driving! I nearly dropped my beer when I saw that!

   if I take all the first letters of my ex's itspells why did I bother

   was also once considered a "big f**king deal" by Vice President Joe Biden.

   According to a new report,women who have had breast implants get spells of dizziness,blurred vision & slurred speech. This is because of the amount of alcohol bought for them.

   YES WE CAN..move to Canada...

   Important Notice, if you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   worried that Elmo knows where I live....

   I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

   freedom means to yell "Fire" in a crowded theater!

   I Cried for New Shoes, Until I Saw Someone With No Feet

   A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle!

   But officer, I wasn't texting while driving! I was updating my status!

   I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better.