Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "you should change your name to LEGO cuz your about to get BLOCKED!!:!"- Magean L. Brents

   The cows in the meadow go moo the cows in the meadow go moo and then along comes a farmer and whacks them in the head. and that's how we get Hamburger

   "Maturity is simply the wisdom to determine da right time to be a kid and da right time to be an adult."

   "Few men have d natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy."

   "if you dont expect anything, you wont be let down"- Magean Brents

   Every bar bathroom should have a cupholder.

   it just me, or are the people who claim they hate drama actually the most dramatic people I know?

   "I had to walk to school 40 miles in the snow... barefoot" was good in it's day. But imagine the sheer terror on your kid's face when you drop "When I was born there was no internet".

   don't write on your facebook wall so you can comment on it. I write on your wall so you will write back on mine and make me seem more popular. Work with me here.

   No matter how many times I watch Titanic I'm 100% sure that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.

   Goodbye doesn't mean 'forever'. That's why I'll make you swallow the 'BYE' and give the 'GOOD' to me again.

   Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet.

   Every phone should have the same charger!

   I don't know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.

   My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

   I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

   Its gonna be one of those days... I just got up and missed the floor

   I'm just a nobody, nobody's perfect, therefore I am perfect

   if I could only make myself believe

   a good night is always followed by a bad morning.