Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm a "person of interest"? Well,thank you very much, Officer.

   a little voice inside of me that telling me to lose weight. I just shut him up with about 4 cookies.

   a little nervous today....i am having plastic surgery...gottta cut my credit cards up..and its gonna hurrrt ♥ ♥ thoughts and prayers please!!! :)

   dont trust anything that can bleed for five days and doesnt die...just sayin

   I hate when girls photoshop their pictures so much that black girls are actually white!

   Thinking to myself """"( why am I with her?....... O yeah, its the sex..."""")

   Has just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs! :p

   She Bangs, She Bangs...... Turns Out The Whole Time Ricky Martin Meant He Bangs, He Bangs....... Livin La Vida Loca Who Knew lol.

   hmm..could the bill be that bad..starting to wonder if its the bill or is it just Mr Obama they dont like..

   Looks Like Kate Goselin Is As Bad A Dancer As She Was Wife And Is A Mother. Jesus Stay Home Lady We Have Had Enough!

   They should make women wear red wrist bands at the club if they're on their period so the fellas will know if she's worth buying drinks for all night

   just heard that today singer Ricky Martin came out as gay. In other surprising news:President Obama is black, the economy stinks and cigarettes are bad for you...

   Schizophrenic...and So am I

   When your children come up to you after a minor incident and say," This is the worst day of my life!!!" Just look at them.....smile......and say, "You haven't seen anything yet".

   A craving for some cookies 'n MILF

   Just had a friend post "Awesome day, Dry spell broken." and his MOM clicked the like button and he responds "MOM! WTH?" and then she asks "oops how do I UNclick it?" HAHAHA!!

   One of these days I'm going to run in to this Murphy dude who insists on making these messed up laws... and he's going to get knocked the F out!!!!

   for people who think an invisible object cant kill you try hitting and invisible block on mario bros

   Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today,may burn your a*s tomorrow.

   if you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)