Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks the best part about his job is that her chair spins!

   thinking bush doubled out debt it 8 years......obama will double that in 2! good job america!!

   slowly undressing behind you!

   wonders why the Trojan condom is named after the Trojan horse? Isn't that the horse that penetrated the roman walls then broke open spilling hundreds of men into the city?

   Gas for trip to Walmart: $4.75 Miley Cyrus movie: $19.95 Box of tissue: $2.95 Hand Lotion: $3.78 The look of disgust on the cashiers face:

   It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

   True happiness is getting that load off...your shoulders

   My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

   realizes he is too apologetic sometimes. Sorry.

   Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 50 Mexicans died

   One of the big differences between American English and British English is that americans tend to drop the letter "U" from certain words, like colour and honour. What a bnch of stpid fcking cnts.

   taking a mental vacation...my body is here but my mind is gone somewhere tropical with lots of water sunshine and a cold drink

   Quick tip, when doing a print screen of Stalker Check for your facebook pictures, don't leave porn in in your Internet tabs...

   Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer". It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.

   as pissed off as a midget with a yo yo

   Stuffed animals - cute & cuddly to girls, punching bags to guys.

   f car insurance companies aren't going to give us our money back after each accident-free year, at the very least they should send us a freakin "Thank-You" card or something. Bunch of ungrateful pricks

   Women are amazing--they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

   "Hi, I have a liberal arts degree. Would you like fries with that?"

   never knew Un Dos Tres were count of men. today ricky martin, tmrw jonas brothers!