Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you can't be a good example, be a warning...

   statistically, 6 out of 7 midgets aren't happy...

   DONT YOU HATE THAT KID WHO REMINDS THE TEACHER ABOUT TESTS OR QUIZES....

   was anyone really surprised by Ricky Martin's coming out? I mean, it started when he was young...he was in the band Menudo, aka MEN - you - DO...

   Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumba$$!

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumbass

   Ur attempts to make me jealous are hilarious and unsuccesful.

   I'm not rare. I'm just a limited edition.

   Pls stop being such ass, I have one enough to worry about. Lol

   A blonde filled out an application form. It said "sex" and options were "male" n "female". She crossed them both off and wrote "Lots"

   if at first you don't succeed, what makes you think doing it again with make any difference?

   its kinda hard to hide the fact that you farted in the bus when the only other person in it is the driver and you know both of you can smell it

   Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

   wonders if it's a coincidence that "Consider Christianity Week" (Mar 21-27) coincided with "World Folk Tales and Fables Week" (Mar 22-28)

   My mate told me that she was having nothing to do with me anymore because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.

   If your wife or girlfriend forces you to carry a "man bag", it's official: you've been "pursey whipped."

   There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.