Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just been outside and got hit on the head by a lasagne, black forest gateaux and a garlic bread .... must be the fall out from iceland

   how about you jump from cloud 9 to 1, that way you can see my middle finger better !

   If you can read, thank a teacher. If you can read in English, thank a soldier.

   if your still gathering rocks to throw at me,you must have a LOT of rocks and I'm scared.

   We were all born nudist. I'm thinking of returning to my roots.

   Friends are like computers : they enter into your life,saves you in their heart,formats your problems & never deletes you from their memory.

   I HaTe PeOpLe WhO WrItE tHiS wAy !!

   I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.

   getting to the point where he has to choose between Facebook and having a degree

   Just saw a girl in a plain push wheelchair holding on to her guy's motorized wheelchair and rolling behind him. Dude, she's using you.

   lowered her expectations to the point that they've already been met. <sigh>

   drinks... we drink hard... we drink loud... and we drink often. it may not be pretty, but damnit we have a good time...

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature

   I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.

   If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

   LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   Drinking, smoking and fatty foods are taking too long to kill me. I had to fall in love again to speed-up the process.

   My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?