Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I got a letter from the college I graduated from... I hope it's a refund check for my murdered dreams.

   What? That's not what "do the robot" means? It's a dance? Oh god. I am SO sorry about your robot.

   "When I die I want it known I want to be buried face down, so anyone who didn't like me can KISS MY ass"!!!!!!

   eagerly anticipating getting off...of work that is ;-)

   BP stands for Beyond Petroleum, well, not anymore, BP stands now for Big Problem!

   Men: You can't live with them, but you can't have heterosexual sex without them. DAMN!!

   it's funny how the people that say "I Can't stand Drama" usually cause the most of it. but the people who say "im used to it" cause none.

   And then I was all like: "I'm really getting sick of your sh*t." And then she was all like: "To speak with a representative please say representative..." UGH!!

   do you think the creator of Snuggie is laughing his *ss off because he convinced a nation of people that its cool to wear a robe backwards?

   My check engine light is on. Someone needs to service me.

   says Happy Friday @ 5:00 pm! If an ice cold, tall, 22 ounce Miller Lite is wrong, I dont wanna be right...

   You wanna reduce the "Text While Driving Epidemic?" Just create a phone that will input the text as you speak and read you the text you received.....They can bulid it. They have the technology. To make teens live longer and more responsible.

   says all people have the right to stupidity but far far too many people abuse that privilege! o_o

   <---- believes that good things come to those who wait.... or have the money to pay for them! ^_^

   note to self: even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal. o_o

   wonders how crowded the Cinco de Mayo parades will be this year throughout Arizona.

   It took a movie like Blindside and Jesse James' cheating ways for Sandra Bullock to decide to adopt a black baby.

   My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' S

   was born cool, but global warming made me hot!

   I don't like to think myself as 'Special' I like to think myself as limited edition