Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We should handle everything in life like a Dog would... if you can't eat it or play with it then just pee on it and walk away.

   i was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy I would have nothing to play with!

   when I was younger I thought it was so important that I impress my peers, now that I am older it is amazing how much those people really don't matter.

   busy writing a note to self: DO NOT PUNCH IN THE FACE (AGAIN) the dude sitting in the next cubicle no matter how annoying his vacation tale is !!!

   I'm not shy -- I'm studying my prey.

   I no longer fear hell -- I've worked in Retail.

   people who have pitbulls are cowards who havent got the guts to bite people themselves!

   He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.

   Don't try to outweird me--I get stranger things then you free with my breakfast cereal.

   Today, I went to the movies. When I got out, I saw that someone hit my car but were nice enough to leave a note. It said, "Ouch - that's going to cost you some money." They signed it with a happy face sticking out its tongue

   Im like domino's pizza, if I dont come in 30 minutes the next one is free.

   taliking to his wall. sssshhhh!!!!!!!

   they should make a whiskey called May... jus for today

   that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...

   why should I ever stop smiling when I live in a joke world!

   Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A great friend will draw a mustache on you on the way.

   Does any1 else find it wierd that in the movie "twilight new moon" there are 4 boys running around in the woods shirtless together?!

   facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you

   asks, What can brown do for you?... Brown will whoop ur ass, just ask Rhianna or Whitney