Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5968 of 6448

The fact "gorilla" does not rhyme with "tortilla" infuriates me.
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05-28-2010 11:50 by Joser
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Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
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05-28-2010 11:49 by Joser
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These are my Hammer pants; you can't touch them.
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05-28-2010 11:48 by Joser
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Frankly, 'm surprised BP hasn't called Tiger Woods, given his expertise in filling golf holes
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05-28-2010 11:48 by Joser
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I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.
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05-28-2010 11:47 by Joser
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WHEW! I just had a near-work experience...
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05-28-2010 11:45 by Joser
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Confucius says "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."
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05-28-2010 11:43
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first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and finally the suffering
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05-28-2010 08:15
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There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
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05-28-2010 08:06 by Pacumbo
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When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d**k. or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
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05-28-2010 02:52 by Pacumbo
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A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, ‘You� �have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.' The drunk replies, ‘Boobs.'
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05-28-2010 01:11 by Pacumbo
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A WOMAN'S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS: A mink in the closet , a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an a*s to pay for it all !
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05-28-2010 01:09 by Pacumbo
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me, ‘What's on the TV?' I said, ‘Dust.'
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05-28-2010 01:07 by Pacumbo
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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05-28-2010 01:03 by Pacumbo
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If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque book
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05-28-2010 00:56 by Pacumbo
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the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, Daddy, what are you doing? The father replies, Making a baby. The little boy says, Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!
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05-28-2010 00:44 by Pacumbo
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Drinking Non-Alcoholic Beer Is Like Going Down On Your Cousin, It Tastes The Same But It's Just Wrong
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05-27-2010 23:58
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reminds you that the proper abbreviation for Sex and the City is SATC2, not Sex...Stop inviting me to go watch sex with you.
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05-27-2010 23:48 by Shawnee
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Listening to Jimmy Buffet all day is giving me some unproductive ideas that might get me fired.
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05-27-2010 22:29
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I wonder if children who stutter are the result of pregnant women using vibrators.