Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The fact "gorilla" does not rhyme with "tortilla" infuriates me.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:50 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:49 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon These are my Hammer pants; you can't touch them.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:48 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Frankly, 'm surprised BP hasn't called Tiger Woods, given his expertise in filling golf holes
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:48 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHEW! I just had a near-work experience...
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Confucius says "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and finally the suffering
←Rate | 05-28-2010 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are only two  four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used  together. 
←Rate | 05-28-2010 08:06 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d**k.  or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose. 
←Rate | 05-28-2010 02:52 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, ‘You� �have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.'   The drunk replies,  ‘Boobs.' 
←Rate | 05-28-2010 01:11 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon A WOMAN'S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS:  A mink in the closet , a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an a*s  to pay for it all !
←Rate | 05-28-2010 01:09 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our last fight was my fault:  My wife asked me,  ‘What's on the TV?'  I said,  ‘Dust.'
←Rate | 05-28-2010 01:07 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 01:03 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque book
←Rate | 05-28-2010 00:56 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”
←Rate | 05-28-2010 00:44 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drinking Non-Alcoholic Beer Is Like Going Down On Your Cousin, It Tastes The Same But It's Just Wrong
←Rate | 05-27-2010 23:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon reminds you that the proper abbreviation for Sex and the City is SATC2, not Sex...Stop inviting me to go watch sex with you.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 23:48 by Shawnee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listening to Jimmy Buffet all day is giving me some unproductive ideas that might get me fired.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 22:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if children who stutter are the result of pregnant women using vibrators.
←Rate | 05-27-2010 22:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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