Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck. In that case, be me ;)

   theres more characters on facebook than the chinese language.

   Ladies, we need to sitdown and have a talk about these painted on eyebrows yall be wearin..

   They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.

   People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   He hate hangovers..I mean the drinking part is awesome though.

   went to the dark side but came back cause they lied about having cookies....

   Why don't blind men skydive?...........Because it scares the sh*t out of the dog.

   Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

   has heard that Toyota's new 2011 Camry will be so advanced it recalls itself.

   The one person that BP has not called on to fix the oil leak is MacGyver. he can do it with a stick of gum a Q-tip and some tin foil!!!

   BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake account mocking the oil company. Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean.

   HECK is where you go if you don't believe in GOSH

   LIFE; It's one damned thing after another

   I don't mind going to work. It's that 8 hour wait to go home that sucks!

   To save time, lets just assume I'm NEVER wrong!

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   you know your getting older when your underwear creeps up on you... and you kinda enjoy it...

   wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.

   This girl tells me "you only call me when your bored "ughhh.... duhh!! why would I call you when i'm busy?!?