Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   is wondering why people ask tall people if they play basket ball but not ask short people if they work for willy wonka

   If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be play Football instead!!

   When sh*t dont look right, Start a fight.

   Really classmate.com you're really gonna stay in business...even though Facebook does what you do for free?

   theres so much more room for activites!!!

   FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: * Wake/Viewing will be on Thurs., June 17th, 6 pm.* The funeral and burial will be at The Staples Center, 111 S. Figueroa Los Angeles, Ca. 90015..* Special invited guests include K. Bryant, D. Fisher, R. Artest, P. Gas

   Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

   come on BP...Mary Ann or Ginger would have had this leak in the Gulf fixed without any help from the Progessor BY NOW!!!!!

   loves each and every one of you. Happy opposite day everyone!

   When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

   Each Day we wake up and go about our daily business, the majority of us live oblivious to the seriousness of just how bad BP has really hurt all of us with their ongoing leak in the Gulf

   Just because you're a Navy SEAL doesn't make your sister pretty.

   If this day were any better, I'd be pulling my pecker out from under an anvil...

   0110001001101111011011110110001001110011 hint: binary

   Never go to Traffic Court and say, "Shut up, Your Honor...I'm not done talking."

   What do BP executives and my wife have in common? Neither has done any real pipe work in 54 days.

   Just sprayed my wife with Axe body spray. Now I'm just waiting for a bunch of hot chicks to come rip her clothes off like on those commercials.

   When you are SINGLE all you see are happy couples.... When you are COMMITTED all you see are happy SINGLES!!! ;-)

   busy playing with his Shake Weight.

   It was all so different before everything changed.