Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does the North Korean World Cup team get to choose their method of execution when they get home?

   7up made in Portugal will be banned in North Korea

   It'll be a while before hearing a commentator say: "Tiger Woods struggles to come from behind" doesn't make me giggle.

   wouldnt it be ironic if you died in the living room ?

   lets be REAL with ourselves.....if you say "no homo" after your sentence...ummm your homo

   Every woman on facebook wants to be a Model, Every man wants to do a model....so I guess it works out

   maybe you should wait until the food cools before stuffing it in your mouth like you've never eaten b4 causing you to spit it back out and still be hungry....see how that goes

   its no reason for being romantic anymore, because in 5 years she's gonna have half of everything and he'll be with babysitter!...

   thinks chicken patties are just really big chicken nuggets...

   I've got ADD and OCD so that means I've got something new to obsess about every 5 seconds.

   Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.

   every movie is practically comin out in 3d, maybe thats why I feel cross-eyed

   wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?

   I get annoyed when houseguests take long hot showers... it fogs up my hidden camera lens.

   i believe in recycling.... see i'm wearing same clothes from yesterday !!

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   Judging by the lack of Fathers Day cards I received in the mail today, I'm guessing your m0m never told you.

   None of my illegitimate sons sent me a card today. B@stards.

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.

   It must be a real self-esteem killer for a fat lady if the show always ends after she sings.