Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   McDonalds faces potential lawsuit over happy meal. It contends that serving toys with unhealthy food is predatory. Where was this group when Micheal Jackson was alive?

   going to give my pillow some head :0) and my sheets some ass.!! G"night!!!

   Forget a 5 star chick... I rather have a 6 flag chick... More flags more fun!!!

   so we are all in the basement watching Dora. And, Dora and Boots can not figure out how to get pass this big red line when Max (10 yr old) says, "It's the border Dora! You are not supposed to cross it!"

   Attention bullies: if you're looking for lunch money, there are tons of nerds hoarding around outside Apple Stores right now.

   Why they play football while there is a Vuvuzela concert?This is Rude

   Change is good..especially if you wear diapers!

   I hate it when you go to bed and you finally convince yourself that the spot on the wall is just a piece of dirt or something, and then it totally starts crawling towards you!

   These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn.

   When I post a good status message that gets lots of comments, I feel like I just rode a bull for 8 seconds at the rodeo

   If "Vampire In Brooklyn" had been a bigger hit, we could have all lived the rest of our lives without these damn "Twilight" movies .

   This World Cup has turned out like World War 2! The French surrendered early, the USA arrive at the last minute and the English are left to fight the Germans

   England are to change their shirts for the next game. The 3 lions will be replaced with 3 tampons to represent the worst period they've ever had!!

   ▒▒broke his sta▒tus but ▒▒▒▒ a little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay....

   Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.

   If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I f*ckin will!!

   Unicorns are real, They are just fat and gray and we call them Rinos

   wondering why lady gaga is doesnt want to kiss or touch him, did he do something?, were fernando and roberto involved?

   if life aint crazy, you aint livin!!!

   As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead, he jaughed. You know he's been there before.